NYC Midnight 2026 250 Word Challenge, Round 2

PROMPT ::: Genre: Comedy, Action: Arm Wrestling, Word: Spray

Title: No Beber: A Florida Story

In Boston, I lived as a hermit in snow. Now, winter is sunshine, breezes, and lizards: skinks, scrubs, and anoles.

Today, Poodle takes me on a journey. Along the walk, the suburban reptile infiltration thickens around me. Am I the invasive species here? As we traverse, dozens of lizards scamper horizontally across the sidewalk. One stops and puFs his throat. Is that a flex?

Ancient war dance. Every driveway is Cross-Fitting lizards, aggressive pushups, dewlaps flaring. Poodle lunges toward an overturned planter. Not trash. This is a hub. Outside, an old McDonald’s SpongeBob sits cross-legged like stoned Buddha, having transcended reptilian mindset.

Lizards abound. Buff ones. Striped ones. Lizards perch on bottlecap side tables. A few smaller lizards are passing something leafy and illegal-looking. Atop an overturned Amazon box: two tattooed lizards are locked in an arm-wrestling match. Veins bulging. In the audience, tails thrum bottlecaps.

One has a tattoo that reads “Live. Laugh. Lift.”

The other: “Gus.”

Gus walks toward us on two hind legs, smoking a tiny cockroach cigarette. He exhales and flicks it to the ground, careless. Eyeing Poodle he says, raspy, “How much you want for the dog, sweetheart?”

I hear a scream and watch Gus’ eyes grow wide. The sprinklers have been activated. Water sprays everywhere but the grass. Gus walks backwards towards the planter with a smirk.

“You know what they say about reclaimed water, right, sweetheart?”

I shake my head.

He opens his mouth as sprinkler water grazes his scaled face.

“NO BEBER. ”

MY NOTES: The judges liked this, but it didn’t place. Reading again and having less emotional attachment to it, I see a disconnect between the offer for the poodle and the sprinkler activation, and while it might have passed in R1, it just wasn’t strong enough for R2. I never had comedy as a genre before, and in real life, I consider myself a funny person, but writing humor was an absolute NIGHTMARE for me. One of the judges described it like a fever-dream, but this is my honest experience of walking the dog in FL. There are signs everywhere, “Non-potable water” and “No Beber,” near any sprinkler system because of the use of reclaimed water. My brain was just like, “Okay. But make the water give the lizards SOPRANO-esque vibes and an underground scene with an appearance by SpongeBob.” Why not, right?